Then scroll all the way to the bottom and check 'part flags' there should be an option 'restrict opposite frame' and 'restrict opposite gender' untick these. If so, go to categories, make sure that 'Female' and 'male' are ticked under 'Age & Gender flags', if you want it to show up in both enable both 'feminine' and 'masculine' under fashion choice (if you want it to stay tagged as just one then leave it as is and you can just close the tag in game). It sounds like you are enabling things manually.
